Jane Pollak spent most of her life “looking for a family.” Raised by a mother who was emotionally unavailable, she grew up believing that love came from performance rather than from being seen, heard, and acknowledged for her true self. It followed that she married an extrovert who performed for his students and yet was unable to connect with his wife.

In this poignant, instructive memoir, Pollak investigates the roots of misguided love and paints a picture of what it means to live a satisfied life. Her tale starts in the couples’ counseling office, where her soon-to-be ex-husband drops the bomb that he’s seeing someone else. From there, Jane goes on to find self-empowerment through her La Leche League group, her career as an artist, her travels around the world, her journey through twelve-step recovery, and her experiences while dating in her sixties. At last, she forges a blissful life on her own in Manhattan, conducting business and enjoying time with a committed partner.

Inspiring and deeply relatable, Too Much of Not Enough Lessons I Learned to Become Myself is a primer on how to be the proactive agent of one’s own best path.